


Seriously These Kids Need To Learn There Are Consequences In Life

by PaleNoFace



Series: Tree Bros Adventures [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Ghost Connor, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 17:14:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13575198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleNoFace/pseuds/PaleNoFace
Summary: Connor says goodbye to Evan.





	Seriously These Kids Need To Learn There Are Consequences In Life

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Mushie Roomie animatic "Pristine Treebros". Title from the song "One School" of 21 Chump Street.

Connor is under a tree when he wakes up. Which is weird, _per se_ , but what is weirder is that he has no idea how he got there. He looks down at this hands - they're cold, and look oddly smooth. Connor frowns : he's pretty sure he's missing something. Like, his skin shouldn't be _this_ smooth, right ? A terrible presentiment makes his way to his brain. Something is definitely wrong and he's pissed off because he can't pinpoint what.

 

He gulps a few times, but it's a very unpleasant sensation. His throat feels compressed. Is it stress ? Angst ? _Focus, Connor, focus. What happened before you got here ?_ He's so fucking cold and everything is way too bright, but he tries to concentrate. What happened ? _Remember, idiot, you have to remember NOW._ Everything feels so wrong, out of place, like he just shouldn't be here. _Just focus, dammit._

 

He was at school, he's pretty sure he was at school. With Evan - yeah, he was at school with Evan. And Jared, later on the day. _So far, so good. What else ?_ He remembers about lunch, and about something being off. What was wrong ? What could possibly go wrong when he's with people he actually like and when he took his meds ?

 

Something triggered a crisis, he realizes. Or better, something turned into the straw that breaks the camel's back. _A tiny thing that broke everything and made him slip all the way down the slope that took him so many years and tears to climb._ Whatever it was, it clearly hit too close to home. But then, why the fuck is he freezing under a tree and not punching the walls of his room ?

 

"Connor !"

 

He looks up : Evan is running his way, sweating and puffing like he sold a goddamn lung. He calls again, still rushing clumsily, and Connor feels a weird fluttering happening in his chest. Evan - _Evan came to find him. Someone actually showed up because he was missing._

 

"Ev !" Connor calls back, waving at him as the other boy doesn't seem to have noticed him yet. "Over here, dumbass !"

 

Then Evan stops, braking with all his might. Connor tilts his head curiously.

 

"What ?"

 

The smaller boy clasps suddently both hands on his mouth, muffling a scream. His wide eyes fill with tears, along with a train of emotions Connor can't quite follow. There is shock in there, as well as realisation, distress and... fear. The last one somehow breaks Connor's heart. Whatever he did, he has to fix it.

 

"Ev-" Connor starts opening akwardly his arms with a weak smile, but he's almost instantly cut by Evan's hysterical rambling.  
"N-No. Nononononono. NO NO NO _CONNOR_ !"

 

And Evan passes through him. He litterally passes through him. Like he's nothing. Like he's not even here. It's so cold and weird and wrong that Connor feels sick.

 

"Connor !!" Evan yells behind him, something breaking in his voice, and it's all it takes for Connor to turn around.

 

Evan is still screaming, alternating between "Oh my God" and "Nonono please, no please". He falls on his knees, sobbing like it's the end of the world. Connor looks up. Sees himself. And common sense finally kicks in. Oh, if Connor felt sick a few seconds ago, he is definitely throwing up now. He - or rather his corpse - is swinging from a tree branch, a few feet above the ground ; is arms are covered in cuts, from his palms to his rolled up sleeves, and the rope is sickely digging in the skin of his throat. _Oh shit, he did it for real this time._

 

Connors knows it was a matter of instants. He now remembers sitting under this exact tree, the rope tightly rolled in his fist, waiting patiently for someone to show up. _Any minute now, any minute someone is going to notice that you aren't here and will come to take you._ But he knows that he waited, and waited, and waited, and in the end no one showed up. But what if... What if he had waited five more minutes, just five tiny minutes ? He would have known that at least one person cared enough to stop him from killing himself. He could have waited for Evan. He should have waited for Evan.

 

"Fucking hell !" Evan roars through his sobs, punching the ground at full strengh.

 

He jolts up, barely standing on his legs, and rushes to untie the rope with trembling fingers. Connor wants to stop him, to tell him it's too late, that he can't do anything anymore, but Evan has this ferocious glint glowing behind the tears that tells him that it won't do anything. So he waits. Watches Evan supporting his lifeless body until the knot gives way, laying it down as carefully as he would do with a sleeping person and then calling for help on his phone.

 

Connor finally gathers enough strengh to tear his eyes away from what was him and steps closer. He tries to put his hand on Evan's shoulder. The feeling is unsettling, just like touching dry ice, but Connor forces himself to stand still. _This is the last time he has the opportunity to touch him, he knows it._ He drops on his knees and wraps his arms around the small guy in a simulacra of a hug. Evan shudders, still on the phone, a hand against Connor's throat. There is no pulse there anymore, and they both know it. Evan ends the call and keeps on trying to warm Connor's hands, face, neck. _It's too late._

 

"Give it up, Evan, it's too late."

 

Evan quietly sobs, desperately trying to put some life back in this ragdoll of a human being.

 

"Evan, come on. Evan. Ev."

 

Connor can't help but talking to him. Evan, of course, doesn't hear him, but having a one-sided conversation still feels like being somewhat alive.

 

"Please, Ev, let me go."

 

Evan shakes his head, muttering a low line of "please, please, please, I need you, please, wake up". Connor clenches his teeth and closes his eyes. He doesn't know if ghosts can cry, but he definitely feels like it. He drops his head on Evan's shoulder and draws in a shaky breath. He doesn't want to die. He just wishes he never existed, so he wouldn't hurt everyone around him. _You can't miss something you never had._

 

"You have to let me go. Why are you clinging on me like that ? I wasn't even a good friend."

 

Evan presses his fists on his eyes. Connor hugs him a little tighter.

 

"It's not like I ever did something for you."

 

Evan cries and screams, filling the cold hair with wordless shouts of complete despair. Connor tries very hard not to do the same.

 

"It's not even like I was good to you or anything."

 

He can hear the caracteristic sound of an ambulance in the distance. _If they could wait just a little longer so he could be gone for good, it would be great, thanks._

 

"I only brought you trouble."  
"Why a-are you leaving me a-alone ?" Evan asks, his voice raw of screaming so much.

 

Connor is slightly taken aback, but still answers like the small boy could hear him.

 

"You don't need me."  
"I need y-you Connor."  
"I was bad for you."  
"You a-are all that I have."  
"You are not alone."  
"I can't do it without you."  
"Let me go !" Connor yells in pain and frustration.  
"Don't leave me !" Evan cries back.

 

There is a new wave of tears hitting the both of them and then there are people all around, surround both of them. Evan is taken away from Connor's body. He shouts and tries to get back to it, but two guys in white force him to sit into the ambulance. Connor wants to follow him, but suddently there is _something_ calling him. Something white and bright, something that sounds, smells and feels good. Something that, in connor's head, is associated with "rest". This is the place he's supposed to belong to. He needs to get in there.

 

But on the other hand, there is Evan. He knows he said he didn't need him. He meant it. But inside, there is stil this mild pain of loss, like a hole in his heart. He closes his eyes for a second. _You can't miss something you never had._ He takes one last look at Evan, and steps in the light.

 

And, for the first time in years, it feels like the right thing to do.

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this animatic while sitting next to my mom, I ignored the trigger warnings and didn't even read the title. So yeah I basically cried in her arms because Connor died. Again. And I cried again while writing this because I'm lowkey masochist.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos ! If you liked it, please get a look to my other multi-chapters fanfics ! They're not all that sad, I swear.


End file.
